“From January 28 to February 4 of 2023, a Chinese Spy Balloon drifted most of the way across the United States before the Air Force shot it down with an expensive Sidewinder missile.”
As the shards of balloon fluttered to the Atlantic sea floor, I was listening to Nena, thinking ‘just who do these clowns think they are?’ All my hopes for safety and security unceremoniously popped. Will I ever be able to attend the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade again? Does it turn out that my inflated sense of comfort in this world, in this country, in this time, was just so much hot air?
It was little comfort that the Chinese claimed that their balloon found itself in Montana the way most people find themselves in Montana: it took a wrong turn. Indeed even the big sky of Big Sky Country was not big enough to hide the dirigible.
As if sensing my rubbery faith in U.S. defense, the Air Force responded like a fierce dad at the balloon-pop booth at the State Fair. Bang! Bang! Bang! We shot down completely defenseless and harmless balloons drifting over Alaska, Canada and Lake Huron. Safe at last! Plus, we got that giant stuffed giraffe jammed into the backseat of the car.
So, I think I’ll just watch Up! for the twentieth time. Squirrel!
If North Korea scraps expensive ICBM’s for an airborne flotilla of attack balloons, well, I know we have a few Sidewinders left.
For a good story about real events involving attack balloons, check out The Cloud Atlas (on Powells.com)
Posted by Pablo 3/4/2023
OMG, you really overdid it with the puns. But damn girl you were committed I’ll give you that.